Witten: Unterschied zwischen den Versionen

Version vom 6. September 2011, 17:55 Uhr

Witten
Stadtwappen	Stadtlage
Wurde von Hoppern demoliert. Für eine Erneuerung wird noch gespart.
Basisdaten
Fläche:	563 km²
Einwohner:	105.000,563 (2. Juni 2024)
Bevölkerungsdichte:	563 Einwohner/km²
GPS Koordinaten:	Stadt zu klein um angezeigt zu werden
Höhe:	*blubb*
Kfz-Kennzeichen:	WITTEN
Gliederung:	1 Bezirk, 10 Stadtteile
Schulden:	563 € pro Einwohner (Juni 2024)
Schulden gesamt:	1780275,63 € (Juni 2024)
Arbeitslosenquote:	99,563% (Juni 2024)
Vorwahl:	0563
Politik
Reg. Bürgermeister:	Kennt kein Schwein

Witten ist die größte Kleinstadt Deutschlands mit knapp unter 1000 Einwohnern.

Die Wittener Jugend

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Einwohner

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Nazis

Es gibt auch eine Gruppe von Nazis die die seltene Krankheit Idiotie haben und sich die Zeit mit Crack rauchen und trinken vertreiben. Kommt man ihnen zu nahe, wird man meistens verprügelt und als "Nigga" beschimpft. Es kann auch vorkommen, dass die Nazis eines ihrer komischen Feste feiern. Danach sind sie immer so dicht, dass sie wahllos Passanten oder sich gegenseitig "einen aufs Maul geben". Aber das schlimmste ist, dass sie sich nicht waschen und immer schreien "Frei, Sozial und assozial".

Die Antifa/Linken

Wo Nazis sind sind auch die linken Chaoten. Sie sitzen nur am k3, betrinken sich sinnlos, pöbeln Leute an die ihnen zu Deutsch sind und laufen vermummt mit Schlagstöcken rum. Sie tauchen wie die Nazis in Gruppen auf und prügeln sich entweder mit Ihresgleichen oder mit den Nazis. Wenn wirklich nichts zu tun ist, wird die Stadt und Umgebung mit "no-npd" Aufklebern zugeflastert.

Gothic-Szene

Die Mehrheit der Wittener ist der Gotic-Szene angehörig. Als die wohl bekanntesten sind die Rudas zu nennen, welche Witten zu überregionaler Bekanntheit verhalfen, indem Sie einen ungeliebten Arbeitskollegen mit 66 Messerstichen und Hammerschlägen entstellten. Geplant waren 666 Messerstiche bzw Hammerschläge, was aber aus Unfähigkeit des Ehepaars misslang. Ihren geplanten Selbstmord nach der Tat haben sie aus Angst vor Satans Strafe dementsprechend ebenfalls nicht begangen.

Die Innenstadt

Tauben in Witten

Witten ist ein Biotop für die kleine gemeine Stadttaube, die sogut wie jedem schon einmal auf den Kopf geschissen hat. Den meisten Wittenern ist dies egal. Genauso wie ihnen egal ist, dass Grundschulen auf alten Bergwerksschächten gebaut werden, die schon lange zusammen gebrochen sein müssten und genauso ist es den Wittenern egal, dass es in der Innenstadt drei bis fünf 1€ Shops gibt, die völlig überflüssig sind, weil die meisten Leute die Ware darin eh nur klauen, da es bei einem Euro pro Artikel nicht nötig/möglich ist ein Sicherheits-System anzubringen. Leider gibt es in Witten keine interessanten Restaurant oder sonstiges außer Mc Donalds, Dönerbuden in Massen und Subway (letzteres ist für viele Jugendliche einfach zu teuer, deshalb doch eher McDonalds). Zudem kann man in Witten nur in die WerkStadt und sich irgendwelchen Schrott reinziehen. Wie die All-in-one Party für 13 bis 16 jährige, wo eh nur Hopper und Assis rum rennen oder man geht zu Gehacktes, das wohl unlustigste Kabarett was es gibt.

oder die jugendlichen Wittener vertreiben sich ihre Zeit bei Antalya. Die Witterner Weiber haben hier mal die beste chance einmal angemacht zu werden, da die Dönermänner alles nehmen was bei 3 nicht auf den Bäumen ist.

Fazit

Man sollte sich lieber dreimal (oder öfter) überlegen ob man nach Witten ziehen will, da sich Witten auf "Titten" reimt und somit eine große Gefahr für die multi-kulti Jugend Nordrhein - Westfalens darstellt. Hinzukommt, dass sollte man Jugendliche die nicht gerade Asoziale Arbeitslose, Nazis, Emos, oder Zecken sind fragen was diese einmal in ihrem Leben machen möchten immer die gleiche Antwort geben: "Irgendetwas, nur nichts in Witten"